Chris (90scartoonman) wrote,

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Why I Don't Like Alicia Silverstone

"My boyfriend calls me 'princess', but I think of myself more along the lines of 'monkey' and 'retard'".

The temperature shot way up yesterday and into the night. And when it gets hot outside, it's even hotter in my room. As a result, I couldn't fall asleep, and through a series of Wikipedia/IMDB searchings and connections that ultimately lead me to learn that Michael Cera did a voice on Braceface, I re-established one thing that I've known for a while but never really got the chance to talk about. I don't like Alicia Silverstone. I very may well hate her.

Now, whenever I hear "Cryin'" by Aerosmith, my mind tends to think of Spider-Man. Because that's just the way my mind works. There's this one lyric in the song that goes:

We're partners in crime
You got that certain something
What you give to me
Takes my breath away

I don't always associate Aerosmith with Spider-Man. They not only did a cover of the 60's Spider-Man theme, but also, guitarist Joe Perry did the theme for the 90's show. Season...4, I think...of the series was called "Partners in Danger", and thus, whenever I heard the "partners in crime" part of "Cryin'", I think Spider-Man.

But back to Alicia Silverstone. I give Jessica Alba a lot of flack for being a sucky Sue Storm. I've declared her the worst casting for a female superhero, but that's probably due to my attachment to the Invisible Woman. I hadn't read any Batman comics when Batman and Robin came out (or very few at most), and to this day, I still don't own any comics with Batgirl/Barbara Wilson, whoever she is. That could be why I've given Alicia Silverstone something of a pass (nothing worse than a few jokes here and there). Although I sometimes think of Batgirl from TNBA as Silverstone-esque, as I believe she utters the phrase "As if" on two separate occasions.

I'm now fathoming just how much Alicia Silverstone truly sucks. And the thing is, I actually thought she was hot at one point. She was in three Aerosmith videos, and then Clueless came out when I was 12 or 13. All in the span of 2 or 3 years. She had this hot teenage blond thing going, but the more I think about it now, the more it disgusts me. She sucks. She has always sucked. I can't watch those Aerosmith videos now without thinking about how much she sucks!

She isn't hot, she's like...anti-hot. You know how you can be gay for someone? I think I'm gay against Alicia Silverstone. She looks like she should be attractive, but to me she just...isn't. Crow (or possibly Servo) had it right when he made fun of her in Batman & Robin, her lips look like they've been stung by bees. And her voice is irritating, Braceface is a testament to that. I'm sure she's a nice person, she's a vegan and loves animals, I just feel like I've been cheated all these years.

So in conclusion, I'm not only embarrassed to admit I once found her attractive, I think she brings down everything she does. And in retrospect, everything she did doesn't hold up very well. And also, there was a character on Spider-Man named Alicia Silvermane! Argh! She taints everything she touches!
Tags: batman, cartoons, movies, music, rant, spider-man

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