March 12th, 2006

Hercules

Kuries Say The Darndest Things (part 1)

As promised, I went through a bunch of Kury Wagner's quotes and took down the funny ones. I decided to stick to 2006 because otherwise, well, that'd just be nuts. I haven't done Toon Zone yet, just Live Journal. Here are a few gems to whet your appetite. Eh, and just for fun, I'm going to throw in some quotes from heavyweight champion Mike Tyson. See if you can spot the difference:

1) Well then, now that I feel all nostalgic and mopey again (haha!), I should go listen to Hanson

2) I almost got biffed in the head with a puck.

3) Do you know what I do sometimes? Put on a ski mask and dress in old clothes, go out on the streets and beg for quarters.

4) Pardon the language, but holy crap these women need a man (putting it nicely) or something, because they are so friggin' uptight sometimes, it's unjust.

5) I think the average person thinks I'm an f---ing nut and I deserve whatever happens to me. That's what I believe.

6) I made them a bit big, so they're taking a while to cook fully, but shmeh. I wish I could make pocky. That would rock. Rocky the pocky.

7) Zoh my gosh, chicken boobies!!

8) And then I found another page that said that Daffy Dork had put out three Nerdcore albums. Three! But they were laaaaaaaaaame. Crappy rap garbage, and it didn't make any sense.

9) I need some discipline over myself; I need some emotional intelligence.

10) I fall over, stumble, bump into people or things and I break, drop, and get hit with random items on a regular basis.

11) You're smart too late and old too soon, I just got caught up in that suction cup. I feel like Rip Van Winkle right now.

12) I am just in a very, hrm, gay man mood.

13) You're sweet. I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend.

14) So I responded saying that I moved to Canada to live with my lesbian fiancee and we're hoping for April, can he make it?

15) I feel like sometimes that I was born, that I'm not meant for this society because everyone here is an f---ing hypocrite. Everybody says they believe in God but they don't do God's work. Everybody counteracts what God is really about.

16) Filleted like a fish about to be stuffed! The blood! Oh my Goddess, the freakin' blood!

17) I'm losing what I had left of my mind.

18) Shaddup conscience, you stupid thing, you.

19)People think that because I have boobs, I'm a chick.

20) A black boxer shouldn't watch a program on proper hygiene for menopausal women, and you shouldn't read anything out of your dumb bubble of funniness, aside from assigned reading.

Seriously, can you tell which is Kury and which is Tyson? And if you have to cheat to find out, then, well, you're basically saying you don't know the difference between Sam and a raving lunatic whose taken one too many blows to the head (yes, that was supposed to be ironic).