January 2nd, 2006


Last Year's Resolution - A Year In Review

Okay, I know I'm a complete idiot and have been working really hard the past week or so on my New Years lists that mean absolutely nothing to anyone but myself, but I think I'm going to take a break from that and discussion my 2005 resolution (and I'm sure in the future, I'll make a full look back at 2005 entry and a discussion of my 2006 resolution). Don't expect my normal moronic comments (although I'm sure some will slip in) as this material is somewhat serious to me. I'd friendslock this or whatever, but honestly, I'm too lazy and don't give a flying fig.

My resolution for 2005 was to stop thinking about Asian women so much in an attempt to be less attracted to them. A little background first (to protect the innocent, all names will be changed to characters voiced by Lauren Tom). I'm not Asian at all, and I like all kinds of women. Freshman year of high school, I sat behind this one Asian girl in English class and sometimes played with her hair. It was really nice hair. Sophomore year I had a crush on a girl named Connie. We had a couple classes together, and we decided to be partners for a science project. I told her I liked her, and she said she just wanted to be my friend. For one reason or another (I forget now), she asked me why I like Asian girls. I said I didn't and she was just imagining things.

Freshman year of college I liked this girl named Amy who was in my writing class, and we partnered up for an assigment (I'm sensing a theme here). I wondered if Connie was right. For most of college, I was interested in a variety of women but was too lily-livered to do anything about it.

Junior year I finally accepted that I am a little too attracted to Asian women, and by senior year, it got bad. Normally it's bad when I have a crush, but this wasn't good. There were three cases in particular - Minh, Angela, and Dana. Minh was studying abroad from Japan, and I met her at a party and we talked. I tried to talk to her a couple times after that, but I think I made a fool out of myself. Angela (whoops, her real name was actually Angela Chen...what are the odds?) was in one of my classes and sat a few seats in front of me. It was hard not to think about her during class, and by the summer after I graduated, I tried to see her at her job and then eventually in her dorm building (making an idiot out of myself again). As for Dana, she would work out at the same time I would, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. She had a boyfriend, though.

That was all harmless fun until the summer after I graduated (I still worked at my school). One of my co-workers was friends with a girl named Gizmo. I talked to her a couple times, real friendly like, and later I found out I gave off a...vibe. I think I made her feel uncomfortable, and that made me feel really bad. I didn't think there was anything wrong with me being attracted to Asian women (what can I say? I really love the hair), but that's when I realized there was. I had many wallpapers on my computer in 2004, and they included Lucy Liu, Lauren Tom, Ming Na, Ziyi Zhang, Chiaki Kuriyama, Linda Park, and Puffy AmiYumi. Gizmo was my last straw, I decided to stop thinking about it in 2005 and to just try and be a little more well balanced (I said a little).

So how'd I do? I'd say not bad. I mean, I had my slip-ups. Watching Enterprise got tough a couple times, and I'd think about Dana and Chiaki Kuriyama when I shouldn't have, but overall, I'm a lot better than I was a year ago, and I'm proud to have made some progress (I was going to give myself some time off to watch Battle Royale, but I decided not to, and I said I wouldn't see Memoirs of a Geisha until 2005 was over).

So there you have it, my long entry filled with vaguely embarassing stories (and I left some stuff out too). Does anyone else have a similar problem with an obsession of theirs? Is there any hope in overcoming this kind of thing?